Vanilla the Calf's Blog

This is the blog of Vanilla the Calf. She posts a children's post here every Wednesday. Make sure to read it with your children to help them know where their food comes from.  Enjoy!

July 2nd 2014

Solitary confinement.

            I was in my old stall from when I was a baby, all alone. No Hope, no friends, no nothin'.

            How did it all fall apart?

            I guess it all started when we went on that revolution. That was a mistake. In no time at all it was all over. Betrayed... by the milkman! I thought he was our friend! It turns out that he didn't smell like peanut butter. He smelled like barbecued banana peel!

            I brought out my harmonica... the one last thing I had. I stopped as the gate opened. It was a farmer. He roped me up and led me over to an old horse trailer. I got inside, wondering where he was taking me.

            He slammed the door behind me. The trailer began to move. After about five minutes, the door opened. Where am I?

            It was a lush pasture, full of clover and and fescue. I couldn't contain my excitement. I ran into the new pasture, and then realized something. It was hot! The sun was beating down on me harshly. I had to get some water. I saw a hose, and followed it to a large waterer. I drank heavily, until I heard a strange voice.

            “Who are you?”

            “Why, Jerky, it's the new girl,” another voice said.

            I turned to see to strange cows staring at me.

            I sure wish I was at home.

June 20th 2014

So there we were, cornered against a fallen tree by three angry dogs. I wondered how we were going to get out of this one.

But then, the tall dog in the middle stopped growling and started sniffing. I knew we were gone for good when he started doing that. He started to sniff – ME!

“Are you Vanilla the Calf?” he asked.

“Y-y-yes,”

Suddenly the dogs brightened up. “Vanilla the Calf? Of, like, the famous blog? Can I get your autograph?” the tiny one asked.

“Um, sure...”

“No, I want her autograph first. Your going to have to wait,” the other one said.

“Could both of you stop fighting? They're getting away!”

But it was too late for those dogs. Hope and I were already far away. “Keep running, Hope,” I said.

But then we both ran into a fence. “This fence looks sort of familiar,” Hope said.

ZAP!

“Ow, that hurt,” I whined.

ZAP!

“Stop touching it, Vanilla!”

ZAP!

I finally figured it out! We were at the same fence we'd been at when we escaped! “Hey Hope! This is our pen!”

ZAP!

I finally remembered that the fence by our calf pen was electrified. I stepped back and stopped touching the fence.

“Hey, look. It's Alabama. What's she doing on this side of the fence?” I said as I noticed my fellow calf coming towards us. Then I jumped as two piglets ran by. “What's going on?”

“It's an animal revolution! No fences for us! We want freedom, and free feed!” Alabama shouted. She had a sign that said as much.

Finally I caught on. “And free milk, too!” I shouted as Alabama gave me a spare sign.

“Come on, compatriots,” Alabama rallied. “It's time we were recognized. March on the barn!” And with that, we went off on a glorious animal revolution.

June 6th 2014

Hey everybody! Vanilla here.

            First, let me apologize for taking so long to write. I'll explain that in the story.

Well, it was pitch black outside and Hope and I were traveling along the river towards home. Before long, though, we were too tired to go on. So Hope and I  just dropped onto the leafy ground. Hope went straight to sleep. I got out my laptop and started working on this post. After I finished, I pushed the button that should have made this post go viral, but instead, the laptop showed a warning screen that said: NO WI-FI CONNECTION.

            What's a wi-fi connection? I thought. Well, pushing the button again shouldn't hurt anything. But this time when I pushed it, nothing happened. I tried again. And again. My button pushing woke up Hope. Good, I thought. She knows all about computers.

            “Keep pushing the button,” she said. “No, faster than that. Faster... faster... yeah, look, somethings happening.”

            WARNING! COMPUTER ABOUT TO EXPLODE!

            “Should we take cover?” I asked.

            “Of course not,” Hope said. “Computers say things like that anytime you're doing everything right. See! This screen just says it's going haywire. Haywire is a good thing, just like hay, right?”

            COMPUTER WILL EXPLODE IN: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 – LOOK OUT!

            Suddenly, the laptop erupted into the most awesome display of fireworks I had ever seen. It was beautiful – until the fireworks started falling on me!

            “Run!” Hope said. And we did – for what must have been hours. Finally, we reached another spot, far away from where we had been.

            Well, that's why my post was so late.

            “Hope, I think we're lost again,” I said.

            “I agree. We must be miles from the river now.” But as she spoke, we both suddenly found ourselves in the middle of a fast-moving stream. “Oh. I guess we aren't that lost after all,” Hope said.

            “Hey look, the sun's beginning to come up,” I said. Then I noticed a familiar shape in the sunset. It wasn't a duck, or a bear in a beartrap, and it certainly wasn't the milkman. It was... Ramzy!

            He was running from something. Or some things. Uh oh. “It's the dogs!”

            Hope and I took off running, but they were catching up. Soon Ramzy zoomed by us. “Take that, you impolite bovines!” he snorted. He jumped over a log, but Hope and I were too small to do that, so we stopped and tried to crawl under it. We couldn't do that either!

            The dogs had caught up with us. We were trapped!

           

May 22nd 2014

So Hope and I ran down the river as fast as we could. Maybe if we hurried, we could make it back to the farm before nightfall! We jumped over old stumps, ducked under fallen trees, and fought our way through thick brambles. We got lost once, but a bear in a bear-trap showed us the way again. He then asked that we spring him out, but he looked sorta hungry so we left him how we found him. Now that I think about it, maybe we should have done something to help that guy. Oh well.

Finally, we could see a building in the distance. We were almost there! I could already smell the clover and the fescue and the... fowl? Suddenly Hope and I were knee deep in water and surrounded by a flock of ducks. “Chuck, chuck, chuck,” they said. Who's Chuck?

“Chuck, chuck, chuck,” they repeated. “Chuck, chuck, chuck.” The way they kept repeating that one name was driving me mad!

Then one voice, louder than all the rest, quacked the final word. “Chuck!” The other ducks were all silent as their leader, who appeared to be really, really old, swam toward us. It's hard to tell an old duck from a young duck, but this one had a weird gray mustache that drooped into the pond.

“Chuck,” he said. He was going to continue, but Hope cut him short.

“Who's Chuck?” she asked.

“Chuck... Chuck... Chuck!”

“What do you mean?”

“Chuck!”

“You're as wordy as the owl I just met,” I said.

“Chuck... Chuck... Chuck owns the pond!” the old duck said.

“Oh...” I said. “Say, is Chuck the milkman?” I thought I was onto something.

“Who's the milkman?” another, younger duck asked.

“He's this guy who gives us milk. He sorta smells like peanut butter. Does Chuck smell like peanut butter?”

“No,” the young duck said.

“More like wine and cheap perfume, if you ask me,” the old duck said.

We didn't know what he was talking about. “So wait, you're telling us the milkman doesn't work here?” I asked.

“No sirree,” the old duck answered.

“Say, I smelled some peanut butter up the river a while back. You should go up that way,” the young duck suggested.

“What! We just came all the way over here!” Hope protested.

“Well, if you hurry, you might make it back before dark,” the old duck said.

Oh boy. Here we go again.

May 14th 2014

“Who?” the strange voice repeated. It took Hope and I a while to figure out whoever it was wanted to know who we were.

“Uh... um... I'm Hope, and this is my friend Vanilla,” my friend said.

“Who?”

“Oh, I said Vanilla. You know, like the ice cream flavor.”

“Who who who!”

Oh. He was laughing at us. He was laughing at me!

“What's so funny, mister!” I demanded.

“Who?”

“Mister... I don't know your name yet, do I?” I was confused.

Suddenly, an owl landed onto a tree branch above us. “Who.”

“Oh, I get it. That's your name.”

“Who?”

“Mister Who. That's your name, right?”

“Who?”

“Did I get the title wrong? Okay, how's Miss Who? Or how about Doctor Who? Yes, I think that's what I'll call you. Doctor Who.”

It was getting dark. I heard something howling in the distance. It sounded dangerous. Well, that's why it's a good thing I'm behind this electric fence, I thought. But then I realized. I'm not behind an electric fence. Suddenly, I wanted to go back home to my pasture and my friends and my mother. I didn't care if I didn't find the milkman.

“Who?”

I realized that I had been thinking out loud. “The milkman. You know, this guy with these buckets who smells like peanut butter. Do you know where he is?”

“Who who who!”

“What's so funny?”

“Who?”
“Don't get all innocent with me. I heard you laughing.”

“Who?”

“Why you, of course!”

“Go up the river.”

What? Did he just say up the river?

“Who?”

I was thinking out loud again. “Thanks, Doctor Who!” And with that, Hope and I went running. But we were running down the river.

May 7th 2014

“Excuse me, why aren't you looking where you're going?”

Hope and I realized we had tumbled right into a full-grown deer with horns. We were both in awe of his gigantic antlers so we didn't answer.

“Why are you being so rude? Don't you know how to speak?” the deer with horns snorted.

“I-I'm not trying to be rude, sir. It's just-” But the deer with horns cut off Hope before she could finish.

“Then why don't you answer my question? Why aren't you looking where you're going?”

“Sorry, sir, if you would just let me speak. I've never seen a deer with horns before”

“Deer! I am a buck!” he declared. 

"I'm the best of the bucks.

I'm better than a pig in a puddle,

or a duck in the muck,
or a sheep in a shop,
or a goose on the loose,
or a chicken in the kitchen,
or a swan on a pond,
or a goat in a coat,

or a cow in a corral,

or-" 

He was going to keep talking but hope interrupted. "That's what we are,"  Hope said.

"You are not in a corral and you are only a calf," he said with a snort.

“My name is Ramzy!” the buck stated. “Stuart Ramzy the Third!” Suddenly, the buck quieted down. He sniffed the air and pawed at the ground nervously. Finally, he jolted upright. “Dogs!” he said. “I smell dogs!”

No sooner than he finished his sentence than the dogs that had been chasing us showed up. “It's a buck!” the red one shouted. “Where is it? I can't see!” the tiny one whined. “Over there, next to those two weird lookin' deer we smelled earlier,” the one with spots said.

“Run!” Ramzy cried before charging away at full speed. Hope and I didn't need him to tell us that. We were already running faster than he was! He ran back toward where we came from, while we took off for the woods. The dogs weren't chasing us, but we didn't care we ran until we were deep, deep in the woods. Finally, we stopped by the edge of a small creek. It was starting to grow dark, and we decided this was a great place to sleep.

But just as we were dozing off, we heard a strange voice. “Who, who?” it called.

April 30th 2014

Hi. So much has happened this week it is hard to remember it all. Let me start at the beginning. Hope and I were out at pasture with the rest of the calves. We were still getting milk but the other calves said that milk was for babies. Then one day our milk guy didn't come, The next day we were really hungry but he still didn't come. The big calves said that he wasn't going to bring us milk anymore. HE WAS WEANING US. How could he do that to us. We never did anything to him (except one time I licked him because he smells like peanut butter).
Hope wouldn't believe it. She said that he must be lost and we needed to find him. She found a high place in the fence and slipped under it. "Come on under, I didn't get shocked at all." Hope said. "I'm taller than you and I don't want get shocked again." I said, but she said that I was a chicken. If I was a chicken I could just slip under, but I don't like it when Hope calls me names so I decided to go under so she would stop. I got on my knees and crawled under the wire slowly without getting shocked.

Once on the other side, we started going to the house to look for the milk guy. When we got close to the house I saw the most beautiful field of clover I've ever seen. "I'm sure the milk guy can wait until we finish this clover." Hope said. I agreed, we couldn't just let this lovely clover sit there. We started to eat it and we ate until we couldn't eat any more.

After a short nap we decided to go get the milk guy, but before we could get up we heard talking. "When are we gonna find another deer, Blue."said a quick, high voice. "As soon as Ole Miser sniffs us one, Chow." said another voice. "Y'all be quiet now. I can't smell with all this noise." said a third voice, this one much slower than the others. Then I saw them, three dogs walking toward us. "Ooh, I think I've got something." said the slow voice, which I now saw belonged to a big red dog with long ears and a floppy mouth. "Where are they?" asked the second dog, a dog who was white with black and gray spots. "I see them. I see them." said the quick voice, which came out of a dog that was so small that it was about as small as a cat.
They started barking and shouting "Deer! Deer! Deer!" over and over. "We are not deer!" I yelled but they would not listen. They started to chase us and they chased us, and chased us, and chased us. They chased us past the big cows, around the chicken coop, and through the pig pen. They chased us so far that we didn't know where we were. We finally lost them but, we were so afraid that we kept running. We ran until I accidentally hit something, or actually someone.

That's all I can write for now be sure to read when I post next week.

April 24th 2014

Hi everyone!

            Boy, it's been a busy week! We've already finished the pasture we were started on and now we're on a different one altogether. It seems as if every day, I'm finding new grasses and making new friends.

            Speaking of new friends, I'd like to tell you about some more calves I've met here. Their names are Peach and Pumpkin and they are two cousins who are close friends. Peach is tall and thin and dark, while Pumpkin is small and round and orange – like a pumpkin! They're both older than Hope and I, but it turns they aren't very smart. They don't know how to spell “Eat More Chicken”, they forget a lot of the letters and have very sloppy hoofwriting.

            I've decided that my favorite grass is clover, this short, three leafed plant that's very tasty. I need to watch out though, because I'm not the only one who loves clover – there's this little insect called a bumblebee that loves it too. Luckily, I've never been stung by one before, but Hope has and she told me all about it.

            There's a dog called Bella who visits are pen every now and then. I used to be afraid of her, because she looks a lot like a wolf and wolves are very dangerous to little calves. But now, I know that she's really a friendly animal that doesn't want to hurt me or anything. She sure does have a lot of energy, though!

            I can't wait to meet the other calves in here. There's just two left! Well, I guess I'll write about that next week. Goodbye!

April 14th 2014

Hi Everyone!

            I was right. The day after my last post, Hope and I were released out onto a big, green pasture. The grass tastes just as great as I thought it would. As a matter of fact, it tasted so great that I got a tummy ache  and had to lie down for a little while. But then I felt better and got back up and started eating again!

            I was right about new friends, too! Now there are eight calves in the pasture: Me, Hope, and some others. Their names are: Daizy, Alabama, Peach, Pumpkin, Mrs. George, and Jorge . I still haven't met all of them, but I did get to meet two: Daizy and Alabama.

            Daizy is the oldest calf in the pen now. She's very smart and very polite, but she isn't very big. Even though she's twice my age, she's just as tall as I am. Alabama is younger than Daizy but she is much bigger than anyone else. She told us all on the first day that she was going to be in charge and she is. She says that leadership runs in her family and she must be right, because she's really good at it. I wonder if anything runs in my family?

            One of the great things about our new pen is that it's right next to a trail, where the cows go by twice a day on their way to milking. I get to talk to my mom every milking, and Hope gets to talk to hers. I got to meet Hope's mom for the first time. She's really small when compared to my mom, but she's every bit as smart. Her name is Heather. That's one of the prettiest names I've ever heard.

            For some strange reason, the grass is wet every morning. I wonder why that is? I'm sure it doesn't rain every night. Do you know how it gets wet? I wonder what else I'll see this spring.

            Until next time,

                        Vanilla the Calf

April 9th 2014

Alright, I'm back!

Vanilla here, with the rest of my story from last week.

Well, as I was saying, I didn't stick around the pigpen for much longer. I left that and headed toward another pen. This one had a very strange fence. Instead of wooden boards, it just had a single, tiny wire. I thought it was interesting and wondered what it tasted like. So I stuck out my tongue to lick it... ZAP! I now know not to lick electric wires!

  I still really wanted to get into that pen and find out who lived there, so I walked  along the fence until I found a little Vanilla-sized place for me to slip through. On the other side, I saw some cows. Some big cows. Some of them were so big, they made my mom (who is a pretty tall cow) look like Shindaiwa the Sheep when she stands next to me. I was a little scared of them, but they were really quite nice. They all gathered around me and began sniffing me and licking me, as cows always do when they meet other animals.

  I had a really fun time with the cows. Finally, the time came for me to go back to my stall. So I told my cow friends goodbye and headed back home. When I got back, I discovered that a lot had happened while I was gone! A sheep had given birth to twins and been moved into a nearby stall. Her name is Echo, and she isn't as nice as Shindaiwa. She is only willing to take care of one of her babies, so instead of drinking sheep's milk from her mother, one of the lambs has to drink cow milk out of a bottle. I hope she stays well.

            Guess what! I heard that I'm getting put out on the pasture tomorrow! I can't wait to start eating that green grass outside. It sounds like I'm going to be sharing the new grass with some other calves from another stall. Hopefully, I'll make some new friends.

            I can't wait until tomorrow!

April 2nd 2014
Hi everyone!

            It’s me, Vanilla! Right now there are six inches of snow on the ground and counting. The wind is howling and I am freezing! This is the coldest winter day ever – in the spring! Brrrrr!

            Happy April Fool’s Day, everybody! None of that really happened. Instead, it’s been hot and rainy, all week long! I think spring has really come!

            Hope and I had a wonderful time joking each other yesterday. I convinced her that her head was on fire, and she convinced me that our next stall mate was going to be an elephant that escaped from the zoo. Then we both convinced the sheep that their wool was turning green.

            Well, I’m getting to experience the change in the weather firsthand this week. This morning, somebody left my gate open just the crack. When I pushed at it, it opened wide enough for me to slip out. I was finally out of the stall! I saw that Hope was sleeping, so I didn’t tell her that I was leaving. So that’s how my adventure began.

            When I was out of my stall, the first thing I did was run all over the place. I had never had this much freedom before! Then I got tired and slowed down. I needed to explore!

            First, I went to see what was behind my stall. It turned out to be just a stack of old boards. But then, I heard some unusual grunting from a place where I had heard loud squeals before. It turned out to be a disgusting, muddy place called the pigpen.

            The pigpen was extremely muddy. I didn’t see why those pigs didn’t care about personal cleanliness more than they did, since they seemed to be pretty smart animals about everything else.

            “Howdy!” one pig snorted when it saw me. “Who is it?” another grunted from behind. “None of your business!” the first harshly replied. “I wanna see!” “You’ll get your turn later.” Then the second pig let out a squeal unlike any I had heard before. My ears are still hurting from that one! I got away from those pigs as fast as I could!

            I’m sure I’ll have a lot more to write about next week! Until then, this is Vanilla the Calf, with part one of the Exciting Escape Adventure!

March 26th 2014

Hey, it's Vanilla

            We got an interesting bit of snow yesterday. It wasn't that bad, but I'm sort of bored of snow. It was pretty cool to see the spring animals running around in the winter snow, though. Several birds took cover with Hope and I until it stopped.

            Good news! Somebody noticed that it was quite uncomfortable for Hope and me to be living with all of those little calves, so they built a new stall so everything could be how it was before. It's great for it to be just us again, but I was actually starting to like those calves, so it's a good thing our stalls are now right next to each other.

            Just a few days ago, I met the prettiest bird I've ever seen. He looked a lot like a guinea, but instead of his feathers being dull and gray, they were bursting with color! They seemed to be blue and green and red, all at the same time, with strange little eyes in them. And they were long! When he came into my stall, he couldn't turn around without tickling someone with his far reaching feathers. His name is Willoughby and he is a peacock.

            Willoughby escaped from a barn on another farm, but after wandering around and looking for food for a few days, he decided he liked it better back in the barn he came from. I'm pretty sure that if I had gone as far away from my home as he had from his, I would be lost. But he seemed to know his way. As he left, I couldn't help but notice that he was better at flying than the guineas I had met. I hope he gets home soon.

            We've gotten a lot of sunshine lately, and it's warmer than it has been, so maybe spring is here! Now I'm noticing that some buds are showing up on the trees and dandelions are popping out in the fields. If dandelions really are weeds, then they are my new favorite weeds!

            Well, until next time,

                        Vanilla the Calf 

March 19th 2014

Hello everyone!

It's me, Vanilla.

Well, as much as I'd love to tell you that spring is here and it's nice and sunny outside, I'm afraid it's not. There's even snow on the ground! Not soft fluffy snow but icy hard snow! I tried catching it on my tongue, and it made my tongue hurt!

            A cow had a calf recently. The mother's name was Althea and the calf's name is Ellie. Ellie's really small and needs her mother to look after her, so they need an entire stall to themselves. That's the problem. There are only three stalls in the barn, so to make room for the new calf, Hope and I were moved over to the stall with those five little calves I told you about last week.

            Sure, those calves looked cute from our stall, but now they aren't as fun as they seem. Hope and I can't play our games without them wanting to play also, but they're too young to understand the rules. They sleep in the middle of the day and leave me and Hope alone for a little while, but whenever we want to go to sleep, they won't and keep running around and making noise!

            Two guineas got in a fight a few days ago. They didn't hurt each other or anything, but they sure made a lot of racket! Later I figured out that they were fighting over a worm. Who likes worms? Gross! But I guess the early bird got the worm in the end.

            Speaking of worms, a lot of new things are popping up around here, from the funny woodpeckers and cardinals, to the creepy worms and spiders. The snow has stopped the grass from growing for now, but it will start again when the sun comes out. I think I'm going to get to go out into the pasture soon!

            Until next time,

                        Vanilla the Calf 

March 12th 2014

Hi!

Vanilla here.

I’m amazed that last week I was writing about snow! Now it is sunny and warm. It feels like spring has finally come, but it’s actually supposed to get cold again. I don’t believe that will happen, though. It’s hotter than it’s ever been in my life! Today I learned about this new food called salt.  I like to lick it but it makes my tongue feel funny.

Last week, I told you about how my friend Hope and I live in a stall together. Also living in different stalls in our barn are some other friends. In one stall there are five calves that are even younger and smaller than me. They must not be able to speak yet, because whenever I talk to them, all they say back is a bunch of gibberish. They can sure do some cute things, though!

There’s Shindaiwa the Sheep too. Even though she’s a lot smaller than me, she’s a lot older too and has a baby lamb named Sallie. It took me a while to start talking to her, because her voice was different and hard to understand. Don’t tell her I said this, but I think it sounds sort of funny!

That’s everyone who lives in the barn. But sometimes we get visitors, like the guineas and the cats. The guineas are really noisy, and Hope and I have to plug our ears when they start a conversation. They’re looking forward to spring too, because that’s when they get to eat the ticks that show up. They do a great job at it, too. Last year, I hear there were no ticks at all because of the guinea’s hard work.

The cats go just about everywhere around here. You have to be really quiet because their voices are so soft and faint, but if you listen closely, they’ll tell you about everything that’s happening on the rest of the farm. I don’t like them very much, though, because I hear that they eat mice. I once saw a tiny field mouse in a haystack, and I thought he looked really cute. I don’t see why the cats have to eat them. I have to go now, it's time for breakfast.

Sincerely,

Vanilla the Calf

Hi!

My name is Vanilla. I'm a calf and I live at Avery's Branch Farms. I'm going to turn three months old on March 8. My father's name is Angus. My mother's name is Violet. I'm their first calf. 

I like milk, hay, and my best friend Hope. I want to be a milking cow like my mother when I grow up. I spend my time sleeping, drinking milk, and playing with Hope. 

Hope is two weeks older than me, but she likes all the same things I do. She is also an only calf, but she has a lot of cousins who live on another part of the farm. I don't have any cousins, so my only friend is Hope. She's a really good friend and we play a lot of games with each other. Our favorite game is tag.

Today it snowed all the way from when I woke up to when I went to bed. Hope and I didn't have to worry about getting cold, though, because we live in a dry, warm barn. I liked to go up to the gate and catch the snowflakes on my tongue. 

Winter is a lot of fun. I like the snow a lot. But I can't wait until spring when I'll get to eat grass out in the pastures with the bigger calves. I'm still really little, and I've never seen the leaves on the trees when they're green or heard the crickets when they make their sounds at night. But my mother tells me that on March 20, spring will come and all of these wonderful things will start again. Until then, I guess I'll just keep doing my favorite things.

  Sincerely,

    Vanilla the Calf

P.S: Look for the next installment to my blog next Wednesday!